Are you having a quarter-life crisis?
Are you confused about what direction to go in your life?
Do you feel lost because you need to “figure it all out” and don’t know where to start?
Well my friend, then this post is for YOU!
Earlier this week I had the privilege of interviewing Jill Esplin, a motivational speaker, author, creator of Leading for Life, and a specialized coach working with Christine Hassler to support twenty somethings in their personal discovery. Seeing as I am in my twenties, I had a lot of questions about how to find balance and direction. It was a great conversation filled with a lot of good information (even for you non-twenty somethings) and I am very excited to share with you!
One of the first questions I asked Jill was, what do you do when you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to do with your life? Jills first suggestion was that you focus on answering the question who am I, rather than, what should I do? Often 20-somethings feel the pressure to have it all figured out, but the truth is, we are just starting to discover who we really are in our twenties.
When we are growing up, adults always seem to ask us what we want to be when we get older. This is why when we hit our twenties, not only do we think we should know the answer to that question by now, but we think that our career defines who we are. And if you don’t like your career, which is your sense of identity, then that makes for one unhappy confused person.
According to Jill, “Who we are is much deeper than our career. It is our qualities that make us who we are, not the job or title we have. Jobs can change, but what is constant is our core. We are attached to external things and our happiness is often misplaced outside of us. Your career is not the cause of your unhappiness. The way we are with ourselves is what determines our happiness”. These are some powerful words! Our happiness is not, and never was, outside of us. We must look within to find who we are and what makes us happy. When you look within, outside circumstances that you have no control over cannot shake your deep sense of completeness and peace.
That being said, the many changes that occur and life decisions to be made in our twenties can often bring up a lot of anxiety and worry about the future and questions of wether or not we have done something “right”. When I asked Jill how you can overcome that worry she said, “The only way to overcome worry is to be in the present moment. We tend to project the worse case senerio but the truth is, you really have no way to predict the future. If you are going to think about the future, at least project positive thoughts! We sometimes try to be scientists of our own life and figure it all out, when what we really need to do is remove our expectations and stay present.”
Christine Hassler talks about the “expectation hangover” in her book 20 Something 20 Everything. She says “When expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for disappointment and judge ourselves harshly.” Releasing our expectations and judgements towards ourself is something that will open us up to feel and listen to our inner guidance, which is always on our side.
Our twenties are about discovery! Relax more and judge yourself less. As Jill stated, ”Know that you are exactly where you need to be! You can’t mess up your destiny. Release the pressure you put on yourself and accept where you are right now. Say this mantra every morning: Im am exactly where I need to be, gaining and learning all that I can“.
Phew, I am going to be okay after all :)
peace and possibilities,
For more information and resources on how to navigate through your twenties:
Find Jill Esplin on Facebook
Find Christine Hassler on Facebook
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Christine Hassler is an author, life coach and speaker who specializes in helping people overcome Expectation Hangovers® and answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? She’s appeared on: The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, E!, Style, and The New York Times. Christine is a spokesperson for American Express Millennial Advocacy Program and serves on the faculty at the University of Santa Monica teaching programs in Spiritual Psychology.
Jill Esplin has always been interested in personal development and by the age of 21, she realized she did not want to work in the entertainment industry as she had planned in college. Instead she created her own speaking and leadership development company upon graduating college called Leading For Life. Since then she has traveled all over the nation and as far as Asia, Africa and Europe to work with young people enthusiastically sharing her empowering vision of leadership. In 2007, Jill wrote her first book Dream Leader, which is geared towards teens and teaches self-leadership. In addition to her work with young people, she expanded her reach to individuals in their twenties who are facing the same questions, doubts and struggles that she did. Jill works closely with Christine Hassler, coaching and developing resources to further support twenty somethings in their personal discovery.